


ablaze

by inmylife



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Eva-centric, F/F, Gen, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inmylife/pseuds/inmylife
Summary: eva mohn likes girls.
Relationships: Eva Kviig Mohn & Isak Valtersen, Eva Kviig Mohn/Iben Sandberg, Eva Kviig Mohn/Jonas Noah Vasquez, Ingrid Theis Gaupseth/Eva Kviig Mohn





	ablaze

eva likes watching ingrid. 

mostly ‘cause, like, she just can’t believe it. ingrid is the most popular girl in the whole seventh grade and she wants to be friends with _eva_? eva can’t tear her eyes away whenever ingrid’s around because she’s worried that if she does it’ll all have been a daydream. and she had hated those first couple weeks at school where all she was was that weird new kid from bergen with the funny accent. she can’t go back to that. 

that’s why she tells herself she can’t look away, anyway. 

~~

ingrid is not happy with her boyfriend. they haven’t even been together that long - even sara’s disaster relationship with what’s-his-name in the year above had taken longer to go sour. it’s only been a couple of months. 

they kiss a lot, in front of eva and sara. sara just rolls her eyes, mostly because eva knows that sara complaining would be the pot calling the kettle black. sara had been just as bad. eva, though, she bites her lip and she looks down. something inside her lights up when she looks at ingrid and jonas making out. when she looks at them, she _feels_ something. that’s not supposed to be what happens. she’s not supposed to fall for her best friend’s boyfriend, because what else could it be? why else does she secretly want to watch them kiss for as long as they’ll let her? 

~~

when she kisses jonas for the first time she’s a little bit confused because she’s supposed to feel something. that is how this works, right? she spends two months watching ingrid and jonas like that, surely it must mean she’s getting what she wants now? 

look, eva knows this is going to end in disaster. she just wants ingrid to be happy, mostly, and kissing ingrid’s boyfriend behind her back is not going to make ingrid happy at all. but there’s a part of her that thinks maybe ingrid will never have to know. maybe she and jonas will break up on their own and then eva can wait a bit and then she and jonas can… 

eva also knows that being with jonas isn’t _really_ what she wants, but she doesn’t know what she wants, so. it’s fine. ingrid never has to know. hell, maybe this will make jonas break up with her faster, and ingrid can be single, she can be happy, she _hates_ being with jonas, she tells eva all the time. once she and jonas aren’t together anymore ingrid won’t have to deal with all the fights they have, the distance, and she can spend all her time with eva and sara again, just like it used to be. 

~~

losing ingrid is like losing a limb. eva goes to meet up with them at the park and ingrid and sara aren’t there. she opens messenger and sara had unfriended her on facebook. she tries to text ingrid and ingrid’s blocked her number. it feels like eva’s been cut adrift from whatever was keeping her solid, it feels like there’s homework she forgot to do and her mom knows and she’s been watching tv under her covers again and she hears her mom on the stairs and has to shove her computer under the blankets and stay silent - the dread is kinda like that. 

of course eva knows what she’s done wrong. of course eva knows what happened. of course she knows, even without jonas jogging up to tell her. 

but it wasn’t supposed to go like _this_. it wasn’t supposed to hurt this bad. 

(or is it? she’s just lost her best friend, after all.)

~~

it’s nice, though, hanging out with isak and jonas. it’s okay. they’re cool. they’re good friends. 

one of the things eva notices is, isak clams up every time someone calls him gay. this happens a lot. 

another one of the things eva notices is, isak watches her and jonas. he watches her and jonas the way she watched jonas and ingrid. 

eva notices these things, and then she forgets them.

~~

seeing ingrid at that party is just… 

like, she looks great. she looks happy. she’s shining. happier and better off without eva, and eva feels like shit about it. 

eva can’t help herself. she walks over. 

~~

when chris schistad kisses her, mostly eva’s thinking about his eyeliner. she might have a thing for guys in eyeliner. guyliner? that’s what it’s called, right? 

after a couple seconds, she realizes that this isn’t what people in committed relationships do. she can’t do this to jonas. she shouldn’t do this to jonas. she’s already done it to ingrid. 

after a few _more_ seconds, eva looks up at iben and thinks, fuck. 

this older girl, she’s really sweet, she’s so kind and so comforting to eva, and eva thinks, if only you knew. if only you knew what i did to you. if only you knew what i did to my boyfriend. if only you knew what i’d done to the person who mattered the most to me. 

she lets iben hug her, and as iben leaves eva watches the swish of the other girl’s ponytail across her back. 

~~

of course everything has to come crashing down eventually. 

~~

everyone tells eva to figure out who she is. which… who _is_ eva kviig mohn, really? that night she doesn’t sleep. she stares at the ceiling and she thinks. really thinks. 

maybe… maybe it wasn’t jonas after all. 

eva doesn’t want to think that way about ingrid. they were good friends, great friends, before eva had ruined it by getting with jonas. their friendship was good enough all on its own. 

but she had wanted something more. eva sees that now. sees it in how she used to listen to all sorts of shitty music because ingrid said she’d liked it and sara didn’t and eva wanted to give ingrid someone to talk to about it. sees it in how eva had always gone the extra mile to make ingrid laugh. sees it in all the times she’d walked into a closed door, or a wall, or another person because she hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away. 

sees it in how she’d watched ingrid and jonas like that. 

it was never jonas, not really. he’s a great guy and funny and loving and gentle but it was never jonas, not for eva. 

she knows then what she has to do, even if it takes her a couple days to actually do it. 

~~

in the bathroom eva doesn’t tell ingrid everything. she likes to think she’s broadcasting it loud enough, though. how ingrid doesn’t see it eva doesn’t know. this unspoken _i wanted you_ pours off her in waves as she takes her in, this girl who’d been her best friend, this girl who’d been her everything. ingrid’s wearing eyeliner, and eva thinks about chris schistad at the party and she feels awful and guilty twice over. 

it’s okay, though. it’s okay. 

‘course, then iben comes out of the bathroom and ingrid flees and eva feels something familiar growing in her stomach that isn’t just guilt, and then she’s promptly distracted by it because iben tells her that isak had told. isak had told her. isak had, effectively, told _everyone_. 

~~

iben is weirdly pleasant to her, after. eva doesn’t entirely understand - like, how? she’d kissed iben’s boyfriend, (well, iben’s boyfriend had kissed her,) and then when she’d had the opportunity to tell iben about it, right away, to say, i didn’t know you were dating him, he didn’t tell me - she hadn’t. iben may have gone too far, but eva knows she was justified in her anger. now it seems like all iben’s hostility towards eva has just evaporated. 

anyway, iben invites eva to a girl power party. she tells eva, “if you know any cute first year guys…” and eva smiles. and then iben smiles back. it feels like they’re sharing something conspiratorial. an inside joke about first year guys not being that cute? an inside joke about… guys? 

besides, the only first year guys eva really knows are jonas and isak, and she’s not about to invite isak anywhere. 

she asks iben to invite vilde - and eva doesn’t expect iben to say yes, because as far as she knows vilde and iben have never so much as spoken besides the time iben had punched eva in the face - but iben does. 

part of eva is glad for this friendship that’s budding. part of eva knows there’s something more going on. iben walks away, and eva lets herself feel it. 

~~

something about what isak says to her seems off. there’s something eva should be remembering, she knows it. something that feels not right about him saying he has feelings for her. 

probably, she just doesn’t know how she feels about guys liking her anymore. 

eva barely has time to think about it, though, because then noora pokes her head into the kitchen, and then _oh god. vilde._

~~

at the holiday party the wind chill whips her hair into knots and chaps her lips, but eva’s having a good time so it’s alright. ‘course, she doesn’t know what to say to isak, but before she has to think too hard about it noora comes in to save the day and then eva’s buffeted from person to person. is she… _popular_ , now? 

eva likes this. eva likes talking to all these people. eva also likes catching iben’s eye from across the crowd. 

“eva,” noora says, appearing suddenly at her side. she’s holding a phone. isak’s phone. 

eva, honestly, is shocked she hadn’t put the pieces together sooner.

~~

winter break comes and it's good. everyone is friends, now, noora and sana and chris and vilde and eva and ingrid and sara, and jonas enlists her help to get with girls, and there's... _something_ that's growing with iben whenever eva sees her. something in their eyes, the way they smile at each other. and eva... she knows why isak did it, now. that doesn't mean she forgives him, but she knows why. 

and it's good. it's good good good. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr at [deep-hearts-core](deep-hearts-core.tumblr.com)!


End file.
